Why??
You are right, that is often my question about anything, and it's true, I am always curious about the motivation surrounding people's actions, and this also applies to my behaviour. Lately I have been having some rather unpleasant experiences in my personal life and have been pondering this very question. Why? More along the lines of "why do I put up with this?" Though truth be told I have an ever-shrinking fuse and don't bother twice with time wasters or non-fits. As well as the question "why me?" After all this is me we're talking about, your friendly, outgoing, highly empathic BFF. Why all these negative experiences? Don't need to be anymore cynical, all stocked up there.
I have been pondering and I think I might have stumbled across a possible answer, or at least one I can live with. Gratitude and appreciation for when I find the right fit. Life is weird like that, we often don't recognize a gem when we see it, perhaps until we've seen enough coal and scat to appreciate the differences.
So, I am thinking that given the year from hell I have had, not to mention the previous decade of two non-fitting LTRs, I am due for that right fit to come along.
Thinking also that to further inrease my probability of success, I am also going to employ the reverse Murphy's Law. If you're unfamiliar with that, it's kind of a reverse psychology thing. In the new year, I will stop looking, and just let whatever will be, be.
Indeed this is a proposition that has no downside as far as I can see.
Boomerang
They always come back. Just like the picture, they boomerang back. The question now becomes, do I want to bother catching them on the return?
Games people play
Not sure exactly what they get out of them, perhaps they are fun and fulfilling, but for me, to play around with people's time and energy, just doesn't have a great deal of enjoyment in it. Perhaps it is the hunt that they enjoy, more so than the catch. I however have lost interest in the process, especially since I have no agenda other than to be a good and dear friend.
So, the best thing for my sanity would seem to be to cease and desist from getting sucked into being a pawn in a game where there are no winners.
Why?
Why do some people find it so easy to hurt others? That question will plague me for the rest of my days, but most especially where this email is concerned.
The backstory.
This ad was (and is still) posted under the Platonic section of Craigslist - Toronto.
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
Personal Assistant needed - m4w - 24 (Toronto)
--------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-921258777@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 11:09AM EST
Howdy,
I'm a 24 year old professional male with a somewhat busy lifestyle. I've been wondering lately about how great it is to come home to a warm meal and pleasant company. So, I'm here to offer a lady of the right mindset and maturity a chance to earn some money, primarily for satisfying my stomach, and being a cool friend to hang out with when time permits. Doesn't have to be intimate, although if things went that way I wouldn't object.
My culinary tastes are vast and I love trying new things. I do have a few food restrictions that would have to be kept in mind.
If this sounds like it might be interesting for you let me know!
______________________________________________________________
Well, aside from the obvious, like the heading, the content and the section are all misleading, there is a great deal that the poster doesn't mention. The biggie is that he is married (but apparently this arrangement is fine with her and has her blessing - even though she is out of the country from Dec 2). But whatever, thought it would be interesting to meet this kid in person.
We did meet for 15 mins in the Eaton Centre where he wanted to purchase winter gloves. After which point we parted company and I happily returned home figuring we had nothing to build on and we were done.
Here's his first email after our meeting.
___________________________________________________________
Hello Barbara,
Is was an interesting meeting today. It's fantastic how a short meeting like that can show you so little and so much at the same time.
In short, I don't think we'd be a good match for each other. I think we have many things in common, but I felt like our head space was a bit different. I also noticed some of my qualities in you that might lead to conflict.
What are your thoughts?
___________________________________________________
My reply:
It was good to meet you, good luck in your search.
best regards,
bb
________________
This was on November 19. Remember how I said the wife was leaving town on December 2? Well, guess who emailed me while she was still boarding the plane?
But it wasn't just any email, it was this:
______________________________________________________
Hi Barbara,
It's Hasnein here again.
I was thinking about you and our meeting again and I had a few thoughts. I'd like to be open with you about what I said about our meeting and if you'd still be interested I'd like you to do the same.
Basically, there were a couple of things that were off during our meeting. The first was that I felt too much tension, within you and within myself. I'm not sure if that was the setting, or just the natural tension that comes with a first meeting, but this sort of made me a bit hesitant. Usually when I meet someone I can tell pretty quickly if there's chemistry or not. The exception being when there is shyness or reservation, which can sometimes be confused with each other. So that was the main reason I felt we may not connect well.
The second thing was physical attraction, not that you're not a beautiful woman, but that I couldn't tell anything about your figure which would be very important to me. I find woman of all shapes and sizes very attractive, but based on what you were wearing I couldn't really tell much. Perhaps that would go both ways?
Intellectually you're very strong which can be a definate plus, provided we don't collide. You strike me as someone who has very strong opinions and would defend them to the death. I am the same in many ways.
I'd really like to hear your thoughts on what you percieved during our meeting. If the conclusion of it was that you are not interested then all of this is moot anyways.
___________________________
But wait.....that's not all... there's a P.S. in a separate email.
_______________
I shoudl also mention that I found your smie very warm, but it wasn't coming out enough (again, sign of the tension I spoke of).
_____________________________________
So, not only does he not like me, but he felt the need to take the time to tell me in far greater detail WHY he didn't like me. Why?
P.S. The typos in his emails, are his own.
Run Forrest, Run!!
Emotionally retarded, that's the conclusion I am coming to, there is a generation of emotional retards out there, and the future is not looking good.
Emotionally disconnected, unsure of themselves and in fear of anything resembling a real connection. They'd rather sit in front of their computer in their parent's basement, than have real in person interaction and risk making a connection. What a waste of human potential, not to mention a real waste of time for me.
So, Run Forrest! Run! though in this particular case, no one is chasing you, you are simply running from your own fears.
Why men are never depressed.
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires on ly one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires on ly one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies'. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129? 'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies'. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129? 'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
Cuddle Party underway
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(Not a picture of our cuddle party)
This past Wednesday my Cuddle group had our first cuddle party, and it might be my biased opinion, but I think it was a success, a definite good start. We were a small gathering, what I suspect might end up being the core of our group, but hopefully with time and proper promotion, the core group will grow and strengthen.
I must say, it was a rather unique experience, stepping that far out of my comfort zone, leading a cuddle party of all things. On a personal note, it was scary in its unfamiliarity, but exciting because of it. Good to have the old juices flowing again, and not in a sexual way, but really opening up one's mind to experiencing contact with another adult in a purely platonic affectionate manner.
This is not to say that there weren't biological reactions, all around, but being with this respectful group of men, it didn't turn into something uncomfortable.
Now all we have to do is convince more women that this cuddle group has what they have been searching for in a non-tactile world.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=13170529966
Apathy, arrogance and rudeness.....the plight of the modern age.
Well, not sure how many that makes now, it would be too depressing to sit and think about the actual number, but just had to send another "Take care, all the best" email to another young man. It's becoming near routine and it gives me no pleasure to have to do so, but there is no time to waste on someone that is just not on the same page as me. Doesn't seem to matter how plainly I put the ad out, or how plainly and simply I communicate on any subsequent exchange; ie. MSN, email, txt. they (and yes, I am generalizing, but you would too if you'd been through as many as I have)don't seem to be improving any, in character, in person, nothing. Same old, same old. It also doesn't seem to matter how low I set my expectations, someone will come along that will cause me to be more disappointed.
Take Kevin "the artist" as an example of pure arrogance that is utterly undeserved. It's one thing to be honest, sincere and even perhaps a bit outspoken, but this kid took it to a whole new level. I just had to meet him in person, if for no other reason than to confirm my initial instincts, and in that and only that aspect, he did not disappoint.
I can't remember that last time I was in the company of someone, and the only thought in my head for the duration was "are you kiddin' me?" And this did not happen only in person, his online exchanges were not much better.
"I have to warn you, I am a pick-up artist, not a player, but an artist." Can't begin to imagine what he picks up with lines like that. And perhaps that attitude goes over well with young insecure girls, but you play that with me, someone not just old enough to be your mother, but experienced in life enough to smell your pathetic little boy insecurities coming from a mile down the road, and it's no wonder I couldn't take being in his company one more minute. The tartufo was excellent though, I do admit.
Or Kay, who can't rouse himself enough to have a conversation, contribute in anyway meaningful way or bring anything to the in person exchange. Tired of people who talk a good game online, but are apathetic in person. Dull as dishwater, no thanks, I could be washing my hair. But did enjoy the chicken pizza.
Should I bother mentioning Joe Joe, who can't even learn from his mistakes, or Scott who in three email exchanges managed to reduce me to a pair of mammary glands, some cuddle buddy they would make. I couldn't work up the curiosity to meet these two in person, like many others, they turned me off electronically.
Then there are those that all but eliminate themselves, when the smallest amount of logic is applied. By that I mean, those that say they are interested in the friendship I am offering, yes, they claim, they are affectionate and good cuddlers, but go on to tell me how busy they are with work and/or school and basically how they have no free time. So when I apply a little common sense and ask them how they figure this friendship can ever start, nevermind flourish, they suffer some kind of disconnect, the phone is ringing, someone is at the door, etc. etc. etc. It's laughable.
And on and on it goes, they all talk a good game, they say they like that the ad is simple and direct, blah blah blah, and within 3 emails or 2 MSN chats, manage to demonstrate a complete lack of understanding about what I am looking for.
If there should be some rare occurrence where that doesn't happen, and we manage to get some basics out of the way, break the ice and so on, well, it somehow turns into a booty call. Friendship just isn't as easy as it might have been, or perhaps it's just me. That's possible too. Because when I say cuddle, I don't mean sex, when I say friendship, I don't mean sex, when I say dinner, yes, I don't mean sex.
Well, at least I have now perfected my time saving process of elimination, and I have discovered where some of the best spots to dine in town are, so that when the company turns out to be another disappointment, I at least have enjoyed a decent meal.
See? There's always an upside to every situation.
Common mistakes men make during sex
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
Careful what you wish for...
... because you might just get it. I wanted to take an active part in this "peaceful warrior" approach I mentioned before, and so Destiny thought, "put your money where your mouth is" and delivered me a defunct group of cuddlers from MeetUp.com.
Well, I am seldom one to back down from a challenge offered, and I pick up that pack of cuddlers and move them over to Facebook, where we don't have to pay a service fee and proceed to gather the flock - so to speak. But seriously - alright not so much - but really, even my horoscope calls me "a social mother hen", so what was I suppose to do with them? There we are in the Starbucks, trying to work out how we want to cuddle, they all looking at me with their big hopeful eyes and their arms twitching to hug someone; what was I to do? So I picked up the mantle and lead them on to the beginning of the making of the great Toronto cuddle. I have no idea what I am getting myself into to be blunt, but I can't just let them go astray again, they want to hug and cuddle so much.
So, here I am, chief mother hen of Toronto Cuddle Up. Now I have to figure out the what, where, when, how, who, and get that all worked and also manage to find another half dozen females so that it doesn't turn into some kind of "cuddle gangbang", and still keep out the "sharks" that are just looking to scope out a feel and a prospective booty call. Phew!! that should be a piece of cake. LOL
So, yeah, just have to figure all that out, and still keep my sanity all the while dealing with other issues in my life that need my attention and resources.
Well, here we come world, the quietest revolution in history; The Cuddle Revolution.
Well, I am seldom one to back down from a challenge offered, and I pick up that pack of cuddlers and move them over to Facebook, where we don't have to pay a service fee and proceed to gather the flock - so to speak. But seriously - alright not so much - but really, even my horoscope calls me "a social mother hen", so what was I suppose to do with them? There we are in the Starbucks, trying to work out how we want to cuddle, they all looking at me with their big hopeful eyes and their arms twitching to hug someone; what was I to do? So I picked up the mantle and lead them on to the beginning of the making of the great Toronto cuddle. I have no idea what I am getting myself into to be blunt, but I can't just let them go astray again, they want to hug and cuddle so much.
So, here I am, chief mother hen of Toronto Cuddle Up. Now I have to figure out the what, where, when, how, who, and get that all worked and also manage to find another half dozen females so that it doesn't turn into some kind of "cuddle gangbang", and still keep out the "sharks" that are just looking to scope out a feel and a prospective booty call. Phew!! that should be a piece of cake. LOL
So, yeah, just have to figure all that out, and still keep my sanity all the while dealing with other issues in my life that need my attention and resources.
Well, here we come world, the quietest revolution in history; The Cuddle Revolution.
Hugs and cuddles
Alright, so I can't always be complaining about what's wrong with stuff, not unless I offer a possible alternative to the status quo. Well, here's another reason I love Google, you can find anything, and everything is out there. So is National Hugging Day. Yes, there is such a day and I think more of us should participate. Especially those among us that prescribe to the philosophy of "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member." That's all well and good, for the most part I agree with you, not much of a follower, or joiner. I simply think that somethings, and I don't believe I am wrong in this, are worth fighting for. So, I fight for our humanity, so the Matrix doesn't swallow us up whole.
The site for National Hugging Day says that it's January, but the date given is for 2008. I will keep you posted on the date for 2009. Won't you join in?
Click the title above for more info
or for articles on hugging - http://www.geocities.com/hugging_whining/Articles.html
On a related matter, check out this mattress, didn't even know such a thing existed. Wouldn't that be great to cuddle on? You wouldn't lose the circulation in your arm, because let's face it, there is always an extra arm and somehow nowhere to put it. But this looks ideal.
http://www.huggingmattress.com/
Socially disconnected
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Well, sometimes you need a big money sponsored poll to prove your point, but if you wait long enough, it comes your way.
For sometime now I have been making it a policy to be more live and in-person with those I interact with online. I spent years in online only friendships, typed and read the most intimate of thoughts, concerns, personal matters, etc. Yes, I must admit it did serve to solidify a theory I had developed from years of travelling around North America and parts of Europe; people are people. So, with that confirmed, I decided that I had needs that were of a tactile nature, I can't just :) all the time, there is an actual smile attached. I have nothing against the machines, the technology is not to blame, it's the use of that instrument, and that is completely up to us.
We are hardwired in certain ways, and there is no getting around the needs that are created to meet that biological imperative. We need human contact. We have a large organ that we so often neglect in the most basic of ways. Yes, skin is an organ, and it needs stimulation, and no need to snicker like lil' girls here.
I can show you published study after study done on the benefits of cuddling permature newborn babies. How it helps them grow and in some cases perhaps even survive. Yes, the machines do their part, they feed, they provide medicines, etc, but human contact has its own medicinal value.
I am simply proposing we don't lose are humanity to the Matrix, we can unplug at will and I simply have chosen to be more selective about how I plug in.
Life's truths I learned
On this road trip we call life, I have learned a few things I choose to believe as truths. Yes, they are based primarily on my experiences, so there must be some bias there.
- Nobody can take anything from you that you aren't willing to give. This is not to be confused with being robbed or whatnot, of course that is illegal, and a whole other matter. What I refer to is far less tangible that a wallet or pursue, rather I mean you. Your kindness, your affection, your sincerity, your love. These things can only be given freely and either accepted or not. I often think of Mahatma Gandhi's quote of "If you give someone a present and they do not accept it, to whom does that present belong?" If you offer up your sincere and honest self, pride, affection whatever, and the other person does not accept it, those qualities, attributes, still belong to you. You are no poorer for the prospective recipient not having accepted your gifts.
- You are as happy as you make up your mind to be. This one is not mine, but Eleanor Roosevelt's. A very similar thought is from Dale Carnegie, "If you choose to believe you are happy, this will end up making you happy." There are others of course, but you get the idea. This is not to say that life won't throw the usual challenges and obstacles, but we cope better and more effectively when we are in a happier mood. Let's also be honest, we all know people that just seem to be on perma-scowl, and we can choose not to be like that.
- There is nothing in my life that I do not choose to have there. Often times we get caught up in the everyday rat race and take up habits that are really not healthy but not even our own. It is up to us to take stock of our priorities, our life's choices and change those habits, and leave only what is important to us in our lives.
This is not all, but it's a start. Please feel free to share yours.
Dear American Cousins
To all my American cousin, I write to you today in the hopes that the time has come for you to open your eyes to the reality around you. For sometime now, I have watched as the very freedoms and liberties that you hold so dear and are out dying fighting for, are being stripped away from you.
Since September 11, 2001, you have been increasingly made to feel afraid of everyone and everything by an administration that is out to destroy the middle class. You have nothing to fear, not from Muslims, not from Pakistanis, not from Iraqis or Aghanis or anyone. No one is out to get you or take anything away from you, but your own government and the cronies that put him into place.
I know there are those Americans out there, both here and in the US that are wise to what is going on, they protest, they demonstrate, they write their congresspeople in an effort to gain back their civil liberties.
Join them, don't be made afraid of your neighbours, stand up for yourself and your family and your way of life. It is not under threat by anyone outside of the United States government and the 5 corporations that own your media outlets.
Break free from the constant barrage of "scare" and "fear" messages that you get from print, or television newscasting.
Because while the power elite have the masses occupied with hating each other, the powers that be have been busy stealing your retirement funds and your houses.
So, in closing dear cousins, let me just say, that we miss the good times we use to share, the laughs the common ground that we use to share before you were taken from us.
Your Canadian Cousin
To hell with manners
Did anyone else see this very interesting and timely show? I don't believe in coincidence and so after coming home from a peace meeting, and just randomly turning on the tv and this show was just starting, got me thinking. I mean sure, I can (and often do to myself) bitch about how stupid this person is behaving or how rude this person was, but in the end, the only one I have any control over is myself. So I decided there and then to offer hugs to anyone that wanted them. Free, no strings attached and genuine. Mind you I am not "militant" about it, so it's not like I walk around wearing a sign or chasing people down on the street to hug them. No, simply taking Mahatma Ghandi's words to heart when he said "Be the change you want to see in the world". I am also planning on joining one of the groups featured on the documentary, "JoinMe". I figure I could preach and rant and rave and complain, or I could DO something about it. So, I am offering cuddles, hugs, affection and genuine friendship to anyone who is able to accept it.
Therefore, if you live in Toronto, and would like to accept my offer, just contact me with a recent face pic, whatever introduction you care to make and a contact phone number. I will reply with same. Please use the heading "Free cuddles" in the subject so it won't end up in the spam folder.
Risen from the ashes once again.
Decided to move blogging over from Yahoo! 360, as that seemed to be populated mostly by those (in whatever unique fashion) that were mostly interested in sexing me up. Lots of hormones of both genders run amok over there, so I am moving over here in the hopes of appealing to a different audience. We'll see.
Well, perhaps first off we should get reacquainted, shall I go first? My name is Barb, I am a 41 yr old Greek, single mom of a 17 yr old boy, medical secretary and delightfully single after a very long time. I am bi, and for the first time in my life I am living alone, totally and completely (with the exception of my pet bird I found, but that's another blog) and having a great time rediscovering myself. Which is my segway into what this blog is for, to share my discoveries and experiences and stories and anecdotes and questions and interact with you on this trip we call life.
So, with this brief introduction I start on this new road down the highway of life and you're welcome to come along for the ride. All I ask is that you please not put your feet up on the dashboard.
Feel free to contact me with your inquiries, comments and whatnot, but please, respect me as I do you and don't waste my time, most especially with any hate, I don't have time to accept it.
Yours in peace,
Barb
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