Why??
You are right, that is often my question about anything, and it's true, I am always curious about the motivation surrounding people's actions, and this also applies to my behaviour. Lately I have been having some rather unpleasant experiences in my personal life and have been pondering this very question. Why? More along the lines of "why do I put up with this?" Though truth be told I have an ever-shrinking fuse and don't bother twice with time wasters or non-fits. As well as the question "why me?" After all this is me we're talking about, your friendly, outgoing, highly empathic BFF. Why all these negative experiences? Don't need to be anymore cynical, all stocked up there.
I have been pondering and I think I might have stumbled across a possible answer, or at least one I can live with. Gratitude and appreciation for when I find the right fit. Life is weird like that, we often don't recognize a gem when we see it, perhaps until we've seen enough coal and scat to appreciate the differences.
So, I am thinking that given the year from hell I have had, not to mention the previous decade of two non-fitting LTRs, I am due for that right fit to come along.
Thinking also that to further inrease my probability of success, I am also going to employ the reverse Murphy's Law. If you're unfamiliar with that, it's kind of a reverse psychology thing. In the new year, I will stop looking, and just let whatever will be, be.
Indeed this is a proposition that has no downside as far as I can see.
Boomerang
They always come back. Just like the picture, they boomerang back. The question now becomes, do I want to bother catching them on the return?
Games people play
Not sure exactly what they get out of them, perhaps they are fun and fulfilling, but for me, to play around with people's time and energy, just doesn't have a great deal of enjoyment in it. Perhaps it is the hunt that they enjoy, more so than the catch. I however have lost interest in the process, especially since I have no agenda other than to be a good and dear friend.
So, the best thing for my sanity would seem to be to cease and desist from getting sucked into being a pawn in a game where there are no winners.
Why?
Why do some people find it so easy to hurt others? That question will plague me for the rest of my days, but most especially where this email is concerned.
The backstory.
This ad was (and is still) posted under the Platonic section of Craigslist - Toronto.
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Personal Assistant needed - m4w - 24 (Toronto)
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Reply to: pers-921258777@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-16, 11:09AM EST
Howdy,
I'm a 24 year old professional male with a somewhat busy lifestyle. I've been wondering lately about how great it is to come home to a warm meal and pleasant company. So, I'm here to offer a lady of the right mindset and maturity a chance to earn some money, primarily for satisfying my stomach, and being a cool friend to hang out with when time permits. Doesn't have to be intimate, although if things went that way I wouldn't object.
My culinary tastes are vast and I love trying new things. I do have a few food restrictions that would have to be kept in mind.
If this sounds like it might be interesting for you let me know!
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Well, aside from the obvious, like the heading, the content and the section are all misleading, there is a great deal that the poster doesn't mention. The biggie is that he is married (but apparently this arrangement is fine with her and has her blessing - even though she is out of the country from Dec 2). But whatever, thought it would be interesting to meet this kid in person.
We did meet for 15 mins in the Eaton Centre where he wanted to purchase winter gloves. After which point we parted company and I happily returned home figuring we had nothing to build on and we were done.
Here's his first email after our meeting.
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Hello Barbara,
Is was an interesting meeting today. It's fantastic how a short meeting like that can show you so little and so much at the same time.
In short, I don't think we'd be a good match for each other. I think we have many things in common, but I felt like our head space was a bit different. I also noticed some of my qualities in you that might lead to conflict.
What are your thoughts?
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My reply:
It was good to meet you, good luck in your search.
best regards,
bb
________________
This was on November 19. Remember how I said the wife was leaving town on December 2? Well, guess who emailed me while she was still boarding the plane?
But it wasn't just any email, it was this:
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Hi Barbara,
It's Hasnein here again.
I was thinking about you and our meeting again and I had a few thoughts. I'd like to be open with you about what I said about our meeting and if you'd still be interested I'd like you to do the same.
Basically, there were a couple of things that were off during our meeting. The first was that I felt too much tension, within you and within myself. I'm not sure if that was the setting, or just the natural tension that comes with a first meeting, but this sort of made me a bit hesitant. Usually when I meet someone I can tell pretty quickly if there's chemistry or not. The exception being when there is shyness or reservation, which can sometimes be confused with each other. So that was the main reason I felt we may not connect well.
The second thing was physical attraction, not that you're not a beautiful woman, but that I couldn't tell anything about your figure which would be very important to me. I find woman of all shapes and sizes very attractive, but based on what you were wearing I couldn't really tell much. Perhaps that would go both ways?
Intellectually you're very strong which can be a definate plus, provided we don't collide. You strike me as someone who has very strong opinions and would defend them to the death. I am the same in many ways.
I'd really like to hear your thoughts on what you percieved during our meeting. If the conclusion of it was that you are not interested then all of this is moot anyways.
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But wait.....that's not all... there's a P.S. in a separate email.
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I shoudl also mention that I found your smie very warm, but it wasn't coming out enough (again, sign of the tension I spoke of).
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So, not only does he not like me, but he felt the need to take the time to tell me in far greater detail WHY he didn't like me. Why?
P.S. The typos in his emails, are his own.
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