Happy New Year - 2010

Another year behind me, another year full of promise and opportunity.
First for the old stuff. Well, it's over and done with. What is done, is indeed, done. Nothing I can do about it now.

Looking forward for the first time in a very very long time. Mostly I believe it is because I finally found someone I can believe in. Someone that loves me and doesn't just pay lip service to that, but actually shows me, and most especially, shows me in the ways that matter most to me. Because that's just who he is. A kind, considerate, sweetheart and loves me for me and despite all my faults and shortcomings. I have nothing to offer him but myself, and he asks for nothing but my love and attention. Because he knows I detest obligatory presents, especially where associated with a certain date on the calendar (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him "you". So, you know what he did? He set a day we both had off aside to treat my inner Princess. He spent the day indulging me. Gave me a pedicure, took me to dinner, took me shopping, we cuddled for hours, and generally made me feel wonderful. Now, I ask you, what price could one put on that? Not to forget to also give him kudos because he understands the simple concept of "treat me kindly all year round and spare me the expensive gifts in lieu". I don't care for diamonds (hate to think someone might have lost an arm so I can have a shiny thing), or flowers (they die) or chocolates (well, maybe if they are Godiva chocolates ;), but you get the idea. His love is priceless and worth more than all the oil left in the Gulf.
So, 2010 brings with it many new important changes. My Imzadi is moving in with me (officially) in February. We are hoping that I might have one good egg left in me and with lots of loving, we can start our family. Now there is a notion I never thought I would have. I mean kids are great, I love them, especially when they are someone else's, but I never had this overwhelming urge to do any of the traditional stuff, i.e. marriage, kids, mortgage, etc. Guess it was a matter of finding the right person, finding my Imzadi. Now I find myself day dreaming about what might be. And let's be honest, "trying" to make a family is sure a fun process. ;)

To those people who came before him, you know who you are (Frankiie, Zhenya, James) all I can say is, "you had the same fair chance everyone else did, including my soul mate, but you chose to not treat me well". It wasn't circumstances or misunderstandings or miscommunication, or anything other than your complete and utter disregard for me and my needs, wants and feelings. And time after time you opted to treat me with no regard or consideration, but still have the balls to IM or email me "I want another chance". That's all you know how to do, is take. "I want, I want." What about what I wanted or needed? No thanks, you have proven yourself and you have nothing worthy to offer me. Please delete me from your contacts, I will simply ignore you going forward (the IM ignore list is ever expanding), because time is precious and I will not waste another single second on those that don't deserve my love, kindness and attention.

To my new friends, you know who you are (Kim, Pip, Tiff) I just want you know how much you are cherished and appreciated. I look forward to many more great times together in 2010 and going forward.

To my soulmate, agori mou, I adore you. To use an overused movie line, but the only words that really describe how I feel when we are together "You complete me". I miss you when you are out of sight and I often have to fight the urge to call you up just to hear your voice. You made me hope again and have faith in people and romantic relationships. I look forward to all the amazing things we will do together in 2010 as well as the rest of my life.

All the best to everyone in the coming new year!!

Everything is alright guys - The Happy Carriage

Season's Greetings

A rock classic

4 Secrets to a Spectacular Relationship

What do couples who describe their relationship as spectacular do differently than those who describe theirs as simply so-so? The differences are quite small, actually.
"When we look at happy couples, we see that great partnerships are not the result of hours of hard work," says relationship researcher Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., who followed 373 couples for over 22 years as part of a marriage study funded by the National Institutes of Health. "It's small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship." In her new book, "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great," Orbuch shares the steps you can take to a spectacular relationship.

#1. Understand Each Other's Needs
"The main reason marriages break up is not conflict, communication problems, or physical incompatibility," Orbuch says. "It's frustration -- the day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts -- that is most damaging." To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe you desire more affection and he craves more relaxed couple time. "And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations," Orbuch says.

#2. Show Him Some Love
Men whose partners give them affirmation -- those words and gestures that show they are appreciated, respected, and loved -- are twice as likely to describe themselves as happy in their relationship. And men may need affirmation more than women, Orbuch's research showed. "Women are constantly receiving flattery from friends and even strangers who say, 'Love your outfit!'" she says. "But men don't get that recognition." Can you imagine a passerby stopping your guy to compliment him on how well his tie matches his shirt? Not gonna happen -- which is why men rely on that attention from their mates. Luckily, there's another payoff to your flattery: He's more likely to return those loving deeds back to you.

#3. Take 10
A weekly date night is always recommended as a way to reconnect, but sometimes all you need is a few minutes. "I call this the 10-Minute Rule: Take 10 minutes a day to talk about anything, except for responsibilities or chores," Orbuch says. Throw out Mom's old advice about how an air of mystery keeps the flame alive: Orbuch's research showed that 98 percent of happy couples say they intimately understand their partners.
And knowing your partner intimately isn't always about engaging in heavy conversations: Anything that helps you learn something new will bring you closer, Orbuch says. You can bond over why you think your dog is the smartest one on the block or which superpower you'd want most. You'll get to know each other's inner world and strengthen your bond of happiness.

#4. Focus on the Good
The best way to make your relationship better is to work at fixing what's wrong, right? Nope. "The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage," Orbuch says. "That positive energy makes us feel good and motivates us to keep going in that direction."
This doesn't mean that you can't feel -- or talk about -- anything negative, but "pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale," she says. "If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad." The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you'll transform your partnership into one that is truly great.

What are your thoughts? Have you been in such a relationship? Do you think it's really possible?

Found what I didn't even know I was looking for.

Who knew? I sure didn't. I just kind of snuck up on me, these feelings, this.....completeness. Not sure what all the worry, fuss and stress was about early on, maybe just insecurities rearing their ugly heads. Seems that the one-of-a-kind-type of guy you read about in those silly romance novels and hollywood movie scripts, does really exist. Don't let the girly-like giggles fool you though, it was a rough and often lonely road to get to here. Won't even get into the age thing, it's just too depressing, but let's just say that "dues have been duly paid". And now it's time to let go of the old insecure worries and enjoy the benefits of being in a loving relationship with another human being that "gets me". Truly can be characterized as "a unicorn". Funny isn't it? How often we have a gender associated with "animals" even ones of fantasy or lore. But for whatever stupid reason, I had always envisioned the "unicorn" as a female. hhmmm, will have to look that up in the psych literature. :P




There is a term in another fictional realm, the Betazedoids call it "Imzadi" and when you look it up in Wikipedia you find this explanation, which is as good as any I could come up with.
It would appear that I have found my Imzadi (or did he find me?)

Real Life, nothing beats it!

With all the techno-toys, gadgets and widgets, it's a little wonder that younger generations have little to no social skills. I don't know how many times a week, some random person will contact me on Yahoo! IM (have no idea how they find me, my privacy settings are rather closed) and try to chat me up. More often than not, it's the same conversation, asking me my stats, etc. nothing interesting to offer, most especially from the males. Just some free advise, online only friendships are booooooooring. When you can just "click" and leave a conversation, when you don't have to "deal", it's not real.
Nothing beats real life experiences, most certainly not online chat.