I have been doing a great deal of thinking lately and most of it is centered around "faith". No, not in the religious sense, never have and never will have any use or faith in manmade religious institutions. But rather, faith on a more personal level. Like faith in someone else. Faith in my own radar. When to give up faith and when to stay the course.
Have met the most darling man in all my life. One who makes me feel like a teenager again, full of wonder and excitement and yes, horny like one. But it seems that I have acquired the full package, including insecirities I thought long since dealt with.
This is where the "faith" issue has been coming up, because he has never given me a reason to doubt his sincerity or his love for me. He says he is going to do something, he does it. He says he is going to be somewhere, he is. So I guess I have put my faith in him and every now and again, I question it. There is no foundation for this I know, but I guess it's still remnants leftover from "The Year from Hell".
Another "friend" who I had put my faith and trust in, well, I don't want to relive the whole thing, but I just only yesterday got my computer back from the police where it was taken in over a year ago as "evidence" in a case against him.
Just can't seem to work up the faith again or the trust. It is broken beyond repair and he can't seem to understand that he did it to himself. No gift certificate or donuts will restore my faith in him and there certainly can be no restoration to what we were before. Guess here, I have given up hope and faith. Sad, yes, but how many times should I let someone hurt me before I do?
