The secret to great sex
Twisting yourself into fancy positions, lasting all night long, hauling in all kinds of gadgets, toys, and fancy lingerie: These are the things our society tends to push as necessary accoutrements to a long-lasting steamy sex life.
But Ottawa-based sex therapist and psychologist and her team of trusty research colleagues have unlocked the secret of great sex. And...wait for it...it is....drum roll please... 'being present, connection, deep sexual and erotic intimacy, extraordinary communication, interpersonal risk-taking and exploration, authenticity, vulnerability and transcendence.'
I know, hardly the stuff of Cosmo's endless 'hottest new tips to a mind-blowing sex life' lists. Or, of quick-fix society that would much rather have a pill or a nose-spray or some other instant solution to improve their lackluster sex life.
And, most interesting, the bulk of Kleinplatz' research was conducted among older couples who'd been together for years. In a society that suggests sex is steamiest among young, beautiful hard-bodied hotties, it is undoubtedly refreshing news.
During their 5-year study, Kleinplatz and her colleagues conducted extensive interviews with people from three groups who reported that they enjoyed 'great sex' with their partner. The largest group being older people with a lifetime of experience, the second being people from sexual minorities (e.g., gay men, bisexual women), and the third being professional sex therapists.
In an interview in the Winnipeg Free Press, Kleinplatz is quoted as saying that, 'Unfortunately, popular culture tells people that great sex is about varying your routines, trying new positions, buying new sex toys.[...] Many people have bought into the message that if your sex life seems kind of dull, just spice it up.'
This sort of marketing, she says, just makes people feel more insecure about their sex lives and uneducated about their sexual technique because they are led to believe that the secret to sexual fulfillment is technical, that it's about better manual and oral stimulation techniques.
'No one had bothered to investigate empirically what makes for memorable, fulfilling, optimal sexuality,' adds Kleinplatz.
As a result, the reality of our partner's sexual needs is often different than our perception of them. For example, in the study, participants revealed how often they thought their partner wanted to have sex and, while the results showed that men's ideal frequency for sexual behaviours was greater than women's, both partners perceived each other's desired frequencies to be different than they actually were. In fact, the women often assumed their male partner wanted it much more than he actually did.
And, when participants were asked about the role that orgasm played in great sex, a higher number of participants said it was not terribly important.
The study, 'The Components of Optimal Sexuality: A Portrait of 'Great Sex'' is published in the current issue in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.
Happy Canada Day, eh?
What an amazing country my parents dragged me to at the tender age of 8!! Love you Canada, thanks for everything, but mostly for not being America.
Don't mess with Granny
I can't wait to be old and crotchety like granny here. Well....alright, not so much "old" but for sure have the freedom to speak the absolute truth. Goodonya gran!
Just don't get it
Why do people join social networking sites, claim that they want to meet new people and make friends, but are unwilling to get away from their keyboard and screen and actually meet in person?
I know I am old fashioned in some respects, but it seems that no matter how low I set my expectations, people will always find a way to disappoint me with their insincerity and fake intentions. Words with no actions to back them up. How boring and tiring. So happy to have someone in my life that is legit and trustworthy.
To all the boomerangs....
I could name you all, but life's too short, you know who you are. And since my words of "no thanks", "please delete me", and so on don't seem to have a great impact on you, thought my girls here having put it to a funky beat, might get the message across.
To those of us born between 1930-1979
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
"Life is a big, bold, daring adventure. Or it is nothing at all".
Things that make me go "hhhmmmmmm" - Part II
For as long as I can remember, I have studied people. Most especially the correlation between their words and actions. What I have learned is that when the words and actions do not match, always go by the actions.
When people from a social networking site such as Facebook, MeetUp.com or such and list interests such as "meeting new people, exploring the city, etc." but block off contact options, don't list a picture or much info about themselves, it makes me wonder just who they are and what game they are playing.
I am not out to judge, but rather, understand what it is about actually going out and meeting someone new that scares them so? Have we become so isolated and cocooned that we don't know how to interact anymore without a keyboard in front of us?
I also have a hard time understanding the younger set. The twentysomethings that are all about instant gratification and have relatively little or no integrity. They talk a great game, but seldom have the goods to back it up. It often appears that they learned their social skills from watching television and depending on the sitcom of choice, their social interaction varies from amusing to downright hillbilly.
The "boomerangs" are also an interesting phenomenon. They are the ones that made initial contact, showed enthusiasm and had no follow through, so I tossed them away. Then they contact me again after months, or even a year or more sometimes with stuff like "I was busy before, but now I have time to hang out with you". Oh my!! How lucky can a girl get?? (Too bad you can't see me rolling my eyes). Honestly, not to be arrogant, but did they really believe that someone like me would stay on the shelf for whenever they got around to spending time with me? Why do they choose to confuse "Friends With Benefits" with "Bootycall"? Is it because that's the one of the two modes they are familiar with? Boyfriend or bootycall? I did my best to explain who I was, what I wanted and what I wouldn't tolerate. They think I was kidding or don't know my own mind? I am not complicated or complex for the sake of it. I say what I mean and mean what I say.
I am also finding interesting people's understanding of "submissive" for example. It seems they think it means "They will lie there and tell me what pleases them and I will oblige them". LMAO!! This one is always a knee slapper. That's just lazy kids, not submissive.
No thanks. I prefer a lover with imagination, stamina and geared for my pleasure.
So, this goes out to all you boys that keep trying to reconnect, because you finally figured out that I was the best you are ever going to have. You are too late. Sterkarm was smart enough to know a great thing when it cuddled him and he acted on that. It takes more than a big cock to satisfy me. I also need a playmate with brains and initiative. Not someone still stroking off in their mother's basement in front of their computer, but a real man, who knows who he is and what a treasure he has in his arms.
I believe the term when I was growing up still applies "You snooze, you loose".
Happiness is a choice
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the
lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the 20 happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred..
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Looking for that special gal pal.
Now that I have found my boy, have been doing a great deal of thinking about rounding out my "special friends" and so I am now in search of that ever-elusive, rarely seen "gal pal". This one would however be very special. So, what am I looking for in this "special gal pal"? I can try and list some here, but I guess the one thing that I do know with certainty is that there is no denying chemistry, it either exists or it doesn't, and it is no one's fault if it is not there. I will however endeavour to give the universe a clearer picture of the girl I am looking for.
In terms of physical appearance, I don't have many exclusions or limitations. There are some excessive traits that I don't find highly appealing. Like hard core or extreme piercings and tattoos. I don't judge people that are hard core, I just know what I like to look at when exploring my lover's body.
She could be any height, or weight, so long as it is proportional. I am an active person and being with someone with self-imposed physical limitations is not a great deal of fun if we can't go more than a couple of blocks for a walk.
Race, colour, creed, ethnicity, any of those demographics are meaningless to me. If there is one thing I have learned is that "people are people" and while it might be handy and convenient to put labels on people based on these demographics, it never has been a good gauge in my view.
So, really, anything goes, so long as she maintains good overall hygiene, is physically appealing and cleans up well.
It would also be great if she lived in the Toronto area, preferably alone, had some of the same interests as I do, was a dedicated lifelong learner, open minded and willing to explore different sides of life with someone that will look out for her. A Friend With Benefits. I guess someone like myself when I was younger.
Perhaps she is looking for a motherly-type mentor to explore and seek life's adventures.
So, a young woman making her way in the world. Well balanced, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Someone with class and dignity, as well as self assured and poised. Someone classy and fun with an eagerness to learn and grow.
If this sounds like yourself or someone you know, drop me a line with some info on yourself and what you are looking for.
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