Life is a journey, not a destination

When I first started the latest five-year plan, I wasn't sure about all that I would have to remove from my life in order to make room for the new adventures and opportunities, but I knew that certain people simply did not fit into my life any longer, and as much as I wanted to pretend or hope otherwise, the truth could not be denied or negated. While it took some doing and it wasn't easy to do, the end result has been a remarkably positive transformation in my personal life. More time to think about matters that are important to me, not being distracted by other people's needs or even being concerned about anyone else's schedule or feelings. Living alone is once again just that, alone, rather than lonely.

I am also rediscovering that I may be a bit of "a lone wolf" by nature and somewhat by nurture, but that was primarily because I simply do not related to the "normal" or "typical" or "average". As a matter of fact, I don't WANT to relate to "average". I find it boring and pointless to dumb myself down for the benefit of others. If they can't be bothered to elevate their thinking or attitudes, it's their perogative and I respect it, but there is no reason why I must tolerate it or enable it. So, I adopt the "polite" facade where/when the company of the "average" can't be avoided, and where/when it can, I avoid it at all costs.

The journey that I am on now is one of freedom, honesty, learning, growing and nurturing. Having done the "polite" and "typical" and "normal" I am more convinced then ever that I simply don't have the patience or inclination to put up with "average". I enjoy the challenge that my friends bring me, they make me a better person by making me look at my thoughts and actions and dispose of anything that does not benefit me in the short or long term.

Life is a big bold daring adventure, or it is nothing at all. That quote reminds often me that life is a journey, not a destination and I am so enjoying this particular leg of my life's journey. No more being lonely and taken for granted. I have also promised myself that I will not distrust my gut again or at least, not at the expense of my emotional/mental/spiritual health. If the person/people in my life find it impossible to comply with some basic ideals and share a common peace loving philosophy, there is no reason for us to associate. Especially in a personal relationship, because there is nothing I can do regarding the people that come into TZM-Toronto, it's an open and free-for-all movement.

I have people to be affectionate with, friends that are true and show their feelings, we enjoy each other's company, learn together, grow together, hug, cuddle, and generally be loving to each other. I also have my special gal pal, where the intimacy is very fulliling because it's not merely physical, but truly intimate it all senses. I have meaningful employment - not many people can say that in our money hungry world. How lucky can one person get?

Ask and you shall receive

That is what I have come to understand about life. Ask and you shall receive. Along with that though, one should also keep in mind another saying "Careful what you wish for, because you might just get it."
So, this time, I am going to be very specific in what I am seeking in an "Imzadi" and will not settle for anything less than.

The term is from Star Trek TNG - but I was reminded by a former roommate of its existence and meaning. According to Wikipedia - the meaning of Imzadi, "...is the Betazoid word for one's first true love, although not necessarily first sexual partner."

Therefore, the person most suitable for me, as a life partner, someone to take the journey of life with, will be someone with deep empathy, someone who is not a hypocrite ("Oh you're so perfect, I would die for you...") only to turn around and break the land speed record in a matter of days clearing out. Someone with some balls and guts to face life head on and the guts to stick it out when things get tough. Someone both intellectually and emotionally developed and spiritually awake. Not religious, have no use for that pathology, but someone in touch with their spirit/soul.

Someone who's life is not just a series of self-indulgent preoccupations, but someone that is actually concerned with life, the world and wants to lead a meaningful existence.

Someone that understands how precious time is and wastes not a second of it on fruitless, hedonistic pleasures, but rather derives pleasure from helping others.

Someone articulate, socially graceful and well rounded. Someone that is more than a warm body in social situations.

A person who is capable of a range of emotions and isn't afraid to express them. Someone that is able to grow and learn from their mistakes, as well as learn from the mistakes of others.

Someone that has a balanced (see non-codependent) relationship with their parents, in other words, they don't live in their parent's basement (literally or psychologically).

A person that is credible and actually does what they say. Lives by the creedo "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

You may have noticed how I didn't specify any demographics, age, race, gender, etc. because those are not criteria that matter. I have met people from all walks of life and my Imzadi is not defined by such criteria, but rather the depth of their character. Someone that is tried and tested and has come through hardships in life with a positive attitude and isn't psychologically fractured into compliance. Someone with balls and guts to stand up to the coming tyranny and not fold like a shirt at the first challenge.

Until that person materializes, I am more than happy with Sarah and my other friends (Zcrew!! love you) and won't be bothering with people that just don't get me, or try to tell me that I have "episodes" when they are thoughtless and lie and try to make me think that I am somehow the one "reading too much into things".

No, I deserve a real Imzadi, not someone who "will try".

As the Chinese saying goes, "There is only "do", there is no "try".